School Has Officially Made Me Sick

Well, school has officially made me sick. I've had kids with snotty noses and hacking coughs in my face all week, and it finally caught up with me. It started with a scratchy throat on Wednesday night, and by Thursday morning, it was full blown illness. I went to school at 5 AM to get stuff laid out for my sub. On Friday, she was on her own. Luckily, my sub was a retired teacher I used to work with, so I am sure I will find everything in good shape when I return. I thought about going up this afternoon, as my plans are not finished for next week, but my energy level is not back to normal yet, so I put it off until tomorrow. I can go after church. I have a lot to do---finish plans, put out papers, prepare centers, grade papers, then enter the grades in the new mandated computer program. It makes me dizzy just thinking about all of it.

I am feeling better, but I have plans for tonight and I am saving what energy I have for then. I have a DATE. I am so looking forward to actually meeting this man in person. He seems genuine. I talked to him on the phone, and we arranged to meet tongiht for a first date. Cross your fingers for me. It's a shame I got sick right at this particular time, but at least I am feeling better and did not have to cancel. It has been so long since I played the Dating Game, and I had forgotten how exhausting it can be. What to wear was a major decision that took around an hour with several people putting in their opinions. I just keep thinking "You never get a second chance to make a first impression," so I want to look my best. I also just want to have an enjoyable evening. Conversation with someone over 8 and under 70 will be a refreshing change....

When I set out to change my life, I really changed it. My positive outlook is affecting all parts of my life. Good things seem to come my way (other than this unpleasant illness). I am just enjoying feeling alive.

A teacher I work with lost one of her best friends to an accident that occurred on a church outing. It was by the grace of God that she was not there with her family to witness the entire thing. This 36 year old woman left behind a husband and 8 year old daughter. Please keep them in your prayers. They have a rough road ahead. Just another reminder to all of us to treasure every moment.

My Defining Moments

Dr. Phil says you have life defining moments. I can't remember if he said there were 5 or 7, but I have been thinking about some of mine.

1. My uncle told me my toes spread abnormally far apart when we were on vacation in Daytona Beach in 1978. I refused to wear sandals until 2000 because of that comment.

2. My junior English teacher in high school told me in front of some other people:
"You have such a pretty face. Now I want you to start dieting right away." Today, that comment could have gotten her fired. In 1978, it was considered helpful advice. I just hated that she said it in front of my friends. I was soooooo embarassed. I think that comment has always stuck with me, and I have battled weight issues my entire life. I have always felt fat, even when I really wasn't.

3. I once turned down a babysitting job when I was 13 years old. I don't even remember what I had planned (golf, I think), but it made my father furious. He said, "You should work every chance you get." It made me feel lazy and that I had disappointed him. I think that made me a workaholic, partly because I am still trying to show him I am NOT lazy.

4. The second year I taught, my CTBS scores at the end of the year were AWFUL. The supervisor or instruction paid me a visit, telling me that I needed to analyze my scores and make improvements before the next round of testing the following year. When I asked her "Were they that bad?", she gave me a stern look and said "They could have been better." I think that is why I get sick around testing time every year--I am always afraid I won't meet the goal that has been set before me. I also think that's why I refuse to feel guilty for "teaching the test," at least as much as possible.

5. I remember my aunt (the one who passed away recently) telling me that I would be just like her. Only she wasn't talking about being a teacher...she was talking about being dateless through high school. I did have dates, but they never seemed to lead anywhere. She also battled a weight problem her entire life. We really did have a lot in common. She married and had children, however, while I have stayed single.

6. My high school boyfriend totally broke my heart. They say you never forgot your first love, and I haven't. I still remember sitting in a car crying uncontrollably because he had "dumped" me. I always liked him more than he liked me. He had once liked my sister, who never liked him "that way," and I believe he saw me as the closest he could get to her. If it wasn't love with him, I don't know what you would call it. I graduated from high school in 1980, and I STILL think about him. I think that after that happened, I started building walls and not letting men get too close to me. I never wanted to feel that pain again. I also think that is why I chose the guys that were "safe" to date in college. They were never really intersted in my "that way," so basically, I was safe from heartbreak.

When I look back at those events, it makes me understand why I am what I am. Some parts of me could be better, but overall, I think I have done well for myself. I am working to make my life better. I try to find joy in all I do.

And to that high school boyfriend-----boy, did you miss a great opportunity!!!

Two Weeks Down...and Counting 8/16/08

A second week of school is behind me. I have sat on them from moment one. Too many of these little whipper snappers have the potential to be hellions if I give them so much as an inch. They can call mean, bear, witch, etc. They can call me anything as long as they mind me.

I have three, or maybe four, on ADHD meds, and I got a new one this week who is supposedly getting on them soon. I believe God puts people in your path for a reason, so I guess the reason I got the new one, even though I already had the highest number in my grade level, will be made clear to me in the future. I asked the principal why I got him even though I had the highest number. She said the roster she was looking at had not been updated, so she put him in my room. She offered to move him, but I told her I had already talked to the mom, created a rapport, and felt that she would be comfortable with me. If it was my kid, I wouldn't want to meet a teacher, create a connection I felt comfortable with, then find out he was moved.

I do not like getting new students. It upsets the apple cart and messes up the entire groupd dynamic that has aleady been established. However, I would rather get them in the beginning of the year rather than later on, so maybe it will work out for the best.

His mom wrote "we will talk about this at the IEP meeting" on just about every piece of enrollment paperwork she had to fill out. As I told the special ed. secretary, she is "jonesing" for a meeting. Might be an interesting one....

I love the fact that I am typing this while watching TV. Going wireless is the BOMB. I highly recommend it. I still use my desktop, mainly because I don't have all my files transferred yet, but I'll get there sooner or later.

I have almost finished my second reading of The Power of Now. My principal is now reading it, and she stops to talk about it with me from time to time, which I enjoy. I would love to start a book club and use that particular book. I have found it amazing! I remember reading in Oprah magazine that Meg Ryan was on Oprah's show several years ago, and she told the audience, "If you only read one book, read The Power of Now. It will change your life." Oprah took her advice, reading the little known book. When she went public with her approval, the book made it to the top seller lists and the author became famous. Anyway, I'm glad the book found it's way to me.

The Blurter, the Tattler, and the WILD MAN

I survived my first week and am well on my way to surviving the 2nd. So far, they are a pretty good group, but I sat on them from the first minute. They can learn how nice I am later--better they learn to "believe" first!

I have several blurters. In fact, I wrote on the board OUR GOAL: NO BLURTING OUT! I told them it would be up until it was achieved. That was last Thursday. Needless to say it's still up. If anybody has a cure for the "blurts" let me know. It would be worth its weight in gold!

Then I have the tattler. He is constantly in everyone else's business. He can't get his work done for telling me the kids sitting across from him are not doing their work. He tattles on people for things, then turns around and does the SAME things himself. I have told him that life is soooooooo much better when you worry about your own business and let everybody else take care of their own.

Then I have the WILD MAN. This kid is absolutely precious, and I can't help but love him, but his ADHD medicine doesn't kick in until around 9. Until it kicks in, he is literally jumping up and down, hollering, clicking pencils, and practically standing on his head. Once the medicine kicks in, it is like a switch has been flipped. He becomes quiet and cooperative. I often find myself praying for 9 AM.

All in all, they seem to be a good group. They seem fairly typical, basically the same blend I have seen for the past 24 years. I will survive.

This morning when I got off the treadmill, I found myself praying, "Thank you, God, for this day and all that it will bring."

It was a usual day. Things were just normal--nothing extreme. Just an ordinary day. It was a good day. Thank you, Lord.

Do You Have "The Teacher Frown Line?"

I went to the spa Friday after school and had my first experience with Botox. WOW is all I can say. I can see a difference and it has only been about 36 hours. Lines disappeared like magic. It is a subtle difference, but one that makes me feel more confident in my appearance.

I have had a deep line on the bridge of my nose, right between my eyes, for as long as I can remember. The doctor actually told me that it was a "school teacher thing" probably from years of frowning and scolding naughty boys and girls. Anyway, the line always made me look like I was angry. The good doctor filled it in with some juvaderm, along with using the botox on the area. It is so much better. Maybe now my nephew won't tell me to come "put my frown" on other children when he is angry with them!

I wonder if anyone will notice--again, it is a subtle difference. No one in my family has noticed or at least they haven't said anything. Monday might be interesting.

I had a choice today of going to school to get caught up or going to the movies. The old me would have gone to school, but instead I went to the movies. I saw "Step Brothers." I was hoping it would make me laugh so hard that I would fall out of my seat, but it didn't. It was average, at best. It was still better than going to school! I don't know when I'll ever catch up--maybe I won't.

By the way, my email dude didn't let me down after all--I got his latest message on Thursday. Maybe there's hope yet. He seems so nice, and we seem to have so much in common. I am trying not to "over expect." The possibilities, however, are exciting to think about!

Well, it is Saturday night and here I am blogging. Let's hope this will be one of my last Saturday nights home alone. I am so ready to experience all the great things that are out there waiting for me! Life is good!

I REALLY Want a Life

I am back in the swing of things at school. Tomorrow is Friday and will end the first week with kids. So far, so good. I just try to take it one day at a time, per my new attitude.

I have gotten up and done the treadmill most mornings this week. I have to get up around 5 AM, which means bed around 9. Not exciting, but necessary, if I want to function in the classroom.

Along with my new attitude, I have signed up with two on-line dating services. I decided it was time to take a chance, and that seemed like an easy way to dip my toes in the dating pool without getting totally wet. Unfortunately, I don't appear to be having much luck.

I have sent icebreakers that never got a response. I ALWAYS respond when someone contacts me, even if it's just to say, "Sorry, I don't think this will work out. Good luck in your search." It is extremely disheartening to put yourself out there and have no one respond. One guy was corresponding on a regular basis, then boom, I have heard nothing all week. It's a shame, too. We really seemed to have a lot in common. He did not seem like the kind of guy who would drop me without an explanation, but then again, how much do I really know about him? For all I know he could be a 14 year old who posted a picture of his uncle and made his profile from complete lies.

I hate rejection, but who doesn't? I guess it just goes with the game. I thought I gave that particular game up in college. Dating is like a looking for a job --always wondering if you made a good impression and asking yourself things like: Did I say the right thing in my e-mail? Did I respond too soon? Should I have waited longer to send a reply? Did he get that a certain line was supposed to be a joke or did he take it seriously? I swear you could drive yourself crazy trying to figure it all out.

I'm not giving up though. I am still sending icebreakers. I also put out the word with friends that I am now willing to be "fixed up". I have always firmly been against this, but again, I think it's time to take the chance. One friend approached me today about someone she knew. I told her to start working on it, I was more than willing to try.

I am so much more than a teacher. Due to my choices, however, that's all most people see. I want to be good at my job, and I believe I am. But spending all my time on it has cost me a lot in the personal part of my life. I am so hoping it's not too late to fix it, or at least make it better. I feel like I am standing at a crossroad and just hoping destiny sends me in the direction I want and need.

Well, at least I am fretting about something other than school. Who would have ever believed that?!

My 24th First Day

Well, I survived another first day--my 24th. For a first day, it went relatively well--no major outburts or criers. (You would think in third grade they would be past crying, but I've had one or two the last few years.)

Only one mama seemed unpleasant. Maybe she didn't mean to be--I don't live her life. She was just very short and kept saying, "but your list said." Well, maybe she thought it said that, but it didn't.

I did not yell or scream, although I did have to speak loudly to get their attention a couple of times. I did, however, hear a friend down the hall already yelling and barking like it was the middle of the year instead of the beginning.

I told this class, like I have told every class, "do what I tell you to do and I'm the nicest person you'll ever meet. Disobey me and then all those people who said I was mean will turn out to be right. It's always your choice. Choose wisely, boys and girls." We'll see if it takes.

I saw two new kindergarten teachers. One had a smile plastered on her face that said, "Yeah, I am surviving, but just barely." I taught Kindergarten at one point and LOVED it, but I would never want to go back. I've aged considerably since then.

I always forget from year to year how much you have to train a class to do things your way. And one thing about this group--boy do they ask questions. Before I can explain or get a sentence out of my mouth, there are hands waving to ask "What if...?" I don't answer very many "what ifs." I just say when it happens, we'll deal with it.

I am exhausted. I left at 4:30, meeting one of the goals I have set for myself. My desk looked pretty bad, but I was just too tired to deal with it. It will be waiting for me tomorrow. I do have to run some labels for folders tonight, but after that, I am taking the night off.

My 9:30 bedtime was not early enough. Think I'll shoot for 9 tonight.

Hope everyone's first day goes well. I'm sure glad mine is over for another year.

And, as always, for those about to teach, I salute you!!!

Nightmare!

I dreamed about our Reading First program last night. But, instead of dream, I would call it a nightmare.

This is supposed to be the last year of a six year grant, and I am sooooooo ready for it to be over. In my nightmare, however, we were told, "Reading First is here to stay." I cannot tell you how displeased I was in my nightmare, along with most every one else. I kept thinking, "How am I ever going to make this fit with my new 'being in the now' attitude?" I could feel myself fighting it internally in my dream, making myself more and more upset about it. Maybe God was preparing me for something, making the dream my rehearsal. I am sure many bumps will appear in the road this year; after all, they always do. I am just looking at handling them differently when they do appear. Anyway, I woke up with a strange feeling..... I was glad to realize it was just a dream and not reality.

I played with my new laptop last night. It was weird because it was so different from a desktop, but I think I'll like it. I couldn't do much with it, as almost everything I do is via internet, but I just played around. I hope the Geek Squad guy gets it up and going. We have an appointment Saturday morning at 8. No sleeping in after a week at school for me next week, but it will be worth it in the end.

This is going to be a really busy week. In addition to school starting, I have a doctor's appointment in a city about 45 miles away on Monday, after school. On Friday, I have set up a visit with a spa in the same city. It just worked out I didn't move fast enough to get in before school started, so I had to go with the first week. Needless to say, I am looking much more forward to the spa than the doctor. The spa on Friday might actually work out great. What a way to end the first week of school!

Busy days ahead!

Saturday--But Not in the Park!

Remember that song by the rock group Chicago, "Saturday in the Park?" Hence, my title. If you were born after 1970, you probably never heard of them, but they were big "back in the day."

Anyway, I bought a new laptop computer today. It has major power for gamers. When I checked out, the guy from the Geek Squad said, "Nice computer. What games do you play?" When I told him none, he looked quite shocked. I told him I just wanted MORE POWER. He said I should have plenty. We'll see. I went over my budget by $300, but I figure when the desktop dies, this one can replace it.

I went to school today and started working on my plans for the first week. I was inspired by a random thought and turned it into a week's worth of work. It's not formally compiled or written down yet, but I figure I can sketch it out on Monday. We have opening day for teachers on Monday, but no kids until Tuesday. Unfortunately, they stay allllllllll day the first day. It will be a long week. We have started on a Friday for the past few years, and that worked great.

My life is getting back to normal--thank goodness. I am not ready to rise from bed at the crack of dawn, but I think I am ready to get back into a routine. I've always said, "After about 10 minutes back, it's like you never really left."

My team members do not have their rooms ready. We're talking piles of "stuff" everywhere. One does not surprise me--she is a fly by the seat of your pants kind of gal. The other, however, astonishes me. She is always so precise in all that she does, and is usually ready way before school starts. She told me she was going to make changes. I think she means it. I also think I noticed some weight gain right in her belly--I am thinking she might be pregnant. It wouldn't surprise me a bit--I think she has been wanting to add to the family.

I think she will be good for me this year as I start my journey towards more balance between school and home. She is certainly off to a great start as a role model. (Although I don't think there would be any way I could have let my room go unfinished this long unless it was dire consequences.)

The temperatures for this week are predicted for mid to high 90's, so that will put our heat index over 100. No outdoor recess for a while. I sweat when the A/C is full blast and a personal fan is blowing on me. When kids complain, I tell them to bring a jacket and leave it at school. They can add more clothing, but I can't eliminate any.

I'm off to watch a funny movie.

The Last Friday

Sounds ominous, huh? It's not the LAST Friday ever, just the last Friday of this summer's vacation. It's back to school on Monday, then kids come Tuesday for the entire day. I am glad I got my room decorated early. We had a death in the family, and I've been in a tailspin ever since. I have to get those plans done, though. I don't even have the first week in place, and that is sooooooooo unlike me. Maybe I am really going to make those changes this time--I pray!

I really do NOT enjoy lesson plans. Unfortunately, it goes with the job.

A retired teacher stopped me today and said she had some of my deceased aunt's books that she needed to return. "I was going to take them back and get some more. I always thought there would be time." Lesson learned. Treat every person as if it's the last time you will see them--because one day, it will be.

It has been an emotional day. The last of the family headed back to their perspective homes, and my house was quiet. The noise of children, chatter of friends, and ringing of the phone had finally stopped. In a way, I was ready for some peace and quiet, but in another way, it was weird. I just sat and cried for a few minutes and hoped it was out of my system. It wasn't sobbing, just crying for a loss. Then, I choked up in front of a friend and had to leave her standing there, which I find embarassing, though I am sure she understood. I guess it will just take time.

Anyway, end of vacation has arrived. For those about to teach, I salute you!