Remember the song by Barry Manilow called "Trying to Get the Feeling Again?" Well, I sort of feel that way about teaching right now.
The thrill is gone. The light has burned out. I've lost the spark. How do I know this? Because I don't WANT to do anything teacher like anymore.
I still see that spark in younger teachers. God bless them. I remember that spark in me. I just don't have it anymore.
I went to my doctor for a med. check. He said I wasn't depressed, but disappointed. Yeah, I can believe that. Several things that were giving me hope have not panned out, and they all seemed to hit at once. He prescribed Xanax, with a word of caution to use only as needed. He gave me 30 to last two months. With the holidays, I might make it. But if I am at school, consider it very much needed, and I will be taking it. That's why refills were invented.
Stop reading here if you don't want to hear whining and self pity.
I am sick of being called by the wrong name. (My name ends with "s" and they leave it off.)
I am sick of getting up at 5:30.
I am sick of parents who talk amongst themselves instead of talking to me when there is a problem.
I am sick of walking on the treadmill but not losing weight.
I am sick of not eating what I want when I want.
I am sick of feeling guilty when I indulge and do eat what I want when I want.
I am sick of my life.
Yes, there are many good things. I have it much better than many people. I know this, and I offer prayers of Thanksgiving to the man upstairs. I am just not content with the status quo.
Maybe I should reread the Power of Now. It certainly worked wonders earlier in the summer. The lyrics of a Carly Simon song keep going through my head...."Don't know just what I wanted, but I know I wanted more..." And one by Don Henley..."What makes us throw off our contentment and beg for something more?"
Any answers? I think I'm ready to hear them. It's got to get better soon. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
Table for one? The Pity Party? That would be me.
Is it May yet?
2 days ago
1 comment:
I'm not sure I can say anything that will do much good coming from my inexperience...but so far, I feel that my teaching experience can be best described as ups and downs. There are some days when I don't feel like I have the spark either, when I feel like giving up, and many more days when I wish I could just give my kids a good smack. But then there are other days that make me forget those bad days, if only for a little while, and the fact that with the school calendar, the next three-day weekend, professional development or random day off is never too far in the future to look forward to.
Try to put more emphasis on the good things. Celebrate even the smallest victories. Remind yourself of how you felt in the beginning and why you wanted to teach in the first place. And if that doesn't help, take a day or two off. Rest up and then think about school with a rejuvenated mind. Sometimes taking a step back gives you enough perspective to see where you can change things for the better. And if that doesn't help, then just rest and think about something else entirely. Be whiny and self-pitying and don't feel guilty at all, because we deserve to be that way once in a while if we want to. Watch a corny movie. Get a massage. We have one of the hardest jobs there is. Sometimes just giving yourself some TLC is enough to make you more optimistic. And if that doesn't work, well, these are just some of the things I've learned so far and I know I've got a lot more to learn.
But I will say, remember you're not alone. :)
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