Just SHUT UP

I don't tell my students to shut up. I rarely raise my voice. They have to stop talking to hear me. I wish that was true for the teacher next door to me.

I have listened to her for four years. She needs to take some training in classroom control or invest in a chair and whip. Whatever it takes, she needs to get control of her class.

Yelling is what I hear from her most of the day. Sit down! I already told you to be quiet! I am going to start giving checkmarks if you don't get quiet! I am going to take away your recess if you don't sit down!

Well, start calling some moms and dads or sending home some ugly notes because the yelling ain't working and you are causing your next door neighbor major headaches and stress. I have to STOP my own class because of the distractions coming from her class.

I know my class is not perfect. I know they get loud at times. I know I raise my voice occasionally to get their attention. But my neighbor is giving teachers a bad name.

I would not want my child in her class. I love her dearly as a friend, but she has no control. I was so stressed out today that I walked into the hall and looked in her window to see what was going on. I was very close to walking in and saying "All of you better learn how to act because you won't be acting like this in my room next year. I will NOT stand for it."

I told my principal today that I was about to break. I didn't give specific reasons why, nor did she ask. But she told me to take a mental health day when I needed it and not worry about it. I cried. I hate it when I cry in front of people. At least I wasn't all out bawling--these were just tears. I am not sure what's wrong exactly, but I am teetering on the edge of the abyss, and I don't want to fall in. I've been there before and I don't want to go back. I am going in for a medicine check. Maybe my modern chemistry meds need to be updated even more.

It will get better. It will. I just have to knot my rope and hang on until it does. I also have to remember to dwell on the positive rather than the negative.

And the class next door just needs to SHUT UP ALREADY because they are not helping my already frazzled nerves.

Thank goodness it's Friday.

Monday, Monday

Is there a teacher on earth who really likes Mondays? If the truth was known, I bet the teachers hate them even more than the students. There's just something about Monday. When I get through it, I feel like I can make it the rest of the week.

It was, for the most part, an uneventful day. No major meltdowns. No angry moms. No memos from administrators requesting stupid things I didn't want to do. It was quite nice. Lunch was a little different. They started construction on a new kitchen today, so no hot lunches for a while. I bet there will be a race to the teachers' microwave everyday now. I'm spoiled--I am usually the only one on my team who uses it. I may have to start waiting in line.

We also had to enroll in a new health plan. It was done on line this year. I chose one and got my enrollment out of the way. No use waiting until the last minute.

The PTO fundraiser boxes of items "to be delivered" did arrive. As the PTO president brought them into my room she said, "I'm sure you're thrilled." Her mom was a teacher for 27 years and she definitely knows the score. Anyway, they are all over my room. Hopefully, they will all be picked up soon.

I'm tired. I'm tired of answering the same question over and over and over and over. I'm tired of tattletales. I'm tired of people who can't get along with anyone. I'm tired of never being caught up. I'm just tired of my school teacher's life.

I Hate Fund Raisers

Fund raisers are a necessary evil. I know this. I accept this fact. But I hate it anyway.

I spent my planning time today going through "Uncle Earl's" Great American Mall Deal cards from kids. If they brought the booklet filled in with addresses from friends and family members, the little darlings got two "prizes" with a combined worth of about 25 cents.

That's forty five minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Then, if the paperwork wasn't enough, there are the multiple questions to deal with, such as:
*Why don't I get the prizes? I filled the whole thing out. (See blank pages in back)
*Can I get the prizes if I bring it back tomorrow? (I was nice the first 100 times I said "no," but by the end of the day that question brought forth a GROWL from my throat which produced a SCARED looking kid. At least he did not ask again!)
*Why can't we bring it back tomorrow? (I don't make the rules. Sorry)

The worst part is the kids don't even do the work to earn the prizes. The parents do. I hope they have a good time playing with their cheap plastic ink pens and foam darts.

I told the principal the kids were driving me crazy about this entire thing. She didn't give me much sympathy. She just told me thank you for helping. It certainly wasn't enough compensation.

I think I need a mental health day to recover from this fund raiser.

Here's some more good news. The items ordered from the earlier fund raiser in September should be arriving any day now. I can hear the questions now....

Make that TWO mental health days.

I Don't Think It's Stalking

I am having a hard time letting go of the man of my dreams found through the online dating service. I tried hard to just let it be, and I reread passages from The Power of Now until I think I could quote them from heart. But, I just can't seem to cut the questions loose.

So, I decided to send an email to his personal email account, which I still have. (Hanging onto it for sentimental reasons) The strange thing was my computer would NOT let me send it. And I tried more than once in more than one way. Still, it would not leave my outbox.

Think the universe might be trying to tell me something? Yeah, me too, but I didn't listen. I sent an email through the online dating service. I basically just told him I was wondering about things and how his "issues" were going. I even ended it with "just wondering" and told him to take care.

I haven't heard anything from him, nor will I...ever. But I had to give it one last try, if that's what you would call it. I've done it, and I can do no more. It officially is what it it. (See The Power of Now for further information.)

Anyway, when I still wasn't ready to let go and accept what just simply is, I decided to do an internet search on him. I don't think you could call it stalking. Found the normal things--address, phone number, relatives, employment. Found him on Facebook, but it didn't tell me much. Then I tried My Space...JACKPOT!

It explained sooooooo much about things he said in person, on the phone, and via emails. I don't think he is a bad person. I just think he is a very unhappy person with a lot of responsibilities that he resents. I don't have a psychology degree, but I would bet my diagnosis is right. I would also say he is depressed. On that subject, I definitely know whereof I speak. He doesn't like small towns, he doesn't like his job, etc.

He had posted several pictures. One was of him when he was around 8. All I can say is we could of had adorable babies if I wasn't past menopause. He also had a picture posted from when he was in college. I think he is attractive now, but 20 years ago, he would have made me pant with lust.

Better to end it sooner than later. He did me a favor. If he's not happy, I don't want him. Thanks for all the cliches, folks. You can keep 'em coming. But they aren't helping. My head understands...my heart is having a little trouble.

The thing is in reading all those blog posts he had written, they sounded like I could have written them. Could I have made him happy? Could he have made me happy? Was it simply because of the timing? I looked at that My Space page a lot. I looked at those pictures a lot. I thought about him a lot. All I could think was "Why?" So many unanswered questions.

I am a good person. I am not beautiful, but I am not a beast, either. I am not skinny, and I need to shed some pounds. But there are many happily "coupled" people who are much larger than me. I am fun to be around. I have a great personality. I am gainfully employed. Why is it so hard to make connections I am so ready to make?

I am so glad I'm past all that and ready to move on.

If I say it enough, I will finally believe it. And Man Of My Dreams, if you happen to be reading this...I really do wish you well. I hope you find your bliss and what you are looking for. You deserve to be happy, so do what it takes to get there.

I wonder if you will ever think of me. You can bet you will cross my mind from time to time while I am picturing you living the life you want and looking so happy doing it.

Thanks for the memories...

Silence is Golden

Shhhh....do you hear that? Silence. Ahhhhh. No whining. No fussing. No tattling. No I have to go now. Just pure silence. Oh, how I love it.

Today was the first day of fall break which put me in a great mood. A friend and I went shopping, out to lunch, then visited a spa. I think I liked lunch the best. Being able to actually enjoy your food, along with a conversation, is unheard of for a teacher when he/she is at school. By the time I get my kids started through the line, microwave my lean cuisine, take a much needed potty break, and wash my hands, I have about 12 minutes for lunch. There were three teachers in my family at one point. We always finished dinner first. Old habits are hard to break.

I saw businessmen eating lunch. The thought of being able to leave my place of employment, eat lunch, then return to finish the rest of the day is foreign to me. But it sure seems like a great life. My least favorite place in my school is the cafeteria. Or the boys' bathroom, depending on the day. Maybe they are about equal.

I do love my kids. I love my co-workers. I am thankful I have a job. I am thankful I am able to work.

But most of all, I am thankful for vacations from all of the above.

Out of Room...Out of Patience

I have finally exhausted all the possible room arrangements trying to separate my many male students with behavior problems. They can't get along with anybody, so why keep tiring myself trying to find a suitable deskmate? I finally told them today, "The rest of us are tired of being crowded because you can't get along with anybody else. The room is too small to have so many of you sit alone, touching no other desks. Just get along with whomever you are currently by or be prepared to leave the room and visit the office."

Wonder if it will work? It was the end of the day when I said it, but I did mean it. I have about 6 boys who need to sit totally alone, without their desks touching anyone else's desks. Unfortunately, my room does not allow this--it is simply not big enough. I tried individual seating for a while, but when kids started tripping over feet and chair legs, I decided it just wasn't worth it. The real world requires us to get along with other people; nine year olds can do it, too. Consider it an early life lesson. And they WILL behave and not interrupt my class or they WILL be heading to the hall or office. I have said my peace--AMEN!

I have some kids who can entertain themselves with pencils, which I would think takes great talent. I have one student who constantly destroys pencils. I am not sure what he does to them, but I have seen the end result, and it isn't pretty. I have other kids who bang and tap pencils like drummers in a rock band. Consider my last nerve stepped on. I fear the next time I hear it, I may start singing Metallica songs against my will.

I have tried to explain that I can preach my little heart out all day long, but if one refuses to listen, learning will NOT take place. I ignore as much as I can, but when I look up and see several looking in their desks or down in their laps. I know I've lost them. I want to excite them about learning, and I try, but I am not an entertainer. I am a teacher, and they must be students. In order for the relationship to work, the students have to LISTEN when the teacher is INSTRUCTING.

Thank goodness Fall Break is coming up and I won't have to see the little darlings for a whole week. Fall Break is a wonderful southern invention...we have gotten one week in October for about the last nine years, and it's great. I won't have to hear:
*I don't have a pencil.
*I don't have an eraser.
*I need my pencil sharpened. (even though I JUST sharpened pencils.)
*I need to go to the bathroom.
*What page did you say? (at least 3 times and it's written on the board)
*Where do we put this paper when we're finished? (They don't even know the danger in that one! And, do you see the word "reading" or "math" on it anywhere? And where have we been turning in papers like that for the last nine weeks?)
*I forgot my note, homework, grade slip, etc.
*What are we going to do next? (This one drives me crazy--how about you wait until I finish explaining what we're doing NOW?!)
*Any question beginning with the words "What if..." (Wait until it happens, then we'll deal with it.)

I am soooooooooooo ready for a break, or better yet retirement. Unfortunately, that's still a few years off. I have 3 to 9 years left on my sentence.... And some days, it does feel like a sentence.

I have started saying a prayer every morning when I get off the treadmill. It goes like this: God, grant me patience and grace, and let me face all the joys and challenges you give me today with dignity and grace.

I'm glad He is listening. Otherwise, I don't think I could face another day in the classroom.