I Got THE LIST

I got the list of my new students for the 08-09 school year this week. For some reason I always get a knot in my stomach when I see that envelope with the school name in the corner when I pull it from the mailbox. Will I get "the bad ones"? Will I get all the special need kids? Will I get the one whose mother hovers around every day making sure her "baby" is being treated right? Will I get the children of a teacher in my building? Will I get the children of the principal, superintendent or other central office administrator, or a board member's child?

After jumping to all the possible worst conclusions, I convince myself there is only one way to find out--just like a sticky band aid, rip it as fast as possible to get it over with.

I do so and take a look, quickly scanning for any of the aforementioned students.

Maybe I should have left it sealed.

There it is in black and white. The names of four boys who are known as problem children, the child of an administrator, and the children of several fellow teachers. Ooooohhhhh my! I spend the next few days convincing myself it won't be that bad and that I can handle anything and that if I survived last year I can do anything. It won't be so bad! I can do this! I've been doing it for over 20 years after all, and not one class has managed to do me in yet. (Although a few have come VERY close.) I feel better. The knot has come untied.

Until.....I see the school secretary when going to the school to do some work. She says, "Oh, I saw your list. You got all the rough ones." I console myself by repeating silently, "What does she know? She can't possibly know all these kids." Again, my mantra is "I can do this, I can do this." As I walk down the hall, I start to feel a little better when I see Mrs. X from across the hall.

"Hi," she says, all smiles. "I notice you got my delightful John Doe in your room this year. He about killed me last year. I felt the need for alcohol every night and I don't even drink. Good luck." Oh no, here comes that knot again. I kindly thank her for her insight while thinking, "Oh, she's a rookie. No wonder she had trouble with him. She didn't have the experience I do in dealing with these kids." I repeat my mantra silently and walk into my room. I can do this, I can do this.

Soon there is a knock at the door. It is the PE teacher who has had every kid in the building. "You had better ask for a year's leave of absence. If you think you had it bad last year, just wait. This year's list looks even worse. You are in for it, girl." Again, that annoying knot. Again, I thank him for his insight, which he continues to enlighten me with for about 10 minutes before finally leaving.

My mantra continues. I can do this. I CAN do this. I CAN DO this. I CAN DO THIS.

Maybe if I say it enough times I'll get the knot untied again. Say some prayers. Yes, I know I can do it, but a little help from upstairs sure wouldn't hurt.