My Defining Moments

Dr. Phil says you have life defining moments. I can't remember if he said there were 5 or 7, but I have been thinking about some of mine.

1. My uncle told me my toes spread abnormally far apart when we were on vacation in Daytona Beach in 1978. I refused to wear sandals until 2000 because of that comment.

2. My junior English teacher in high school told me in front of some other people:
"You have such a pretty face. Now I want you to start dieting right away." Today, that comment could have gotten her fired. In 1978, it was considered helpful advice. I just hated that she said it in front of my friends. I was soooooo embarassed. I think that comment has always stuck with me, and I have battled weight issues my entire life. I have always felt fat, even when I really wasn't.

3. I once turned down a babysitting job when I was 13 years old. I don't even remember what I had planned (golf, I think), but it made my father furious. He said, "You should work every chance you get." It made me feel lazy and that I had disappointed him. I think that made me a workaholic, partly because I am still trying to show him I am NOT lazy.

4. The second year I taught, my CTBS scores at the end of the year were AWFUL. The supervisor or instruction paid me a visit, telling me that I needed to analyze my scores and make improvements before the next round of testing the following year. When I asked her "Were they that bad?", she gave me a stern look and said "They could have been better." I think that is why I get sick around testing time every year--I am always afraid I won't meet the goal that has been set before me. I also think that's why I refuse to feel guilty for "teaching the test," at least as much as possible.

5. I remember my aunt (the one who passed away recently) telling me that I would be just like her. Only she wasn't talking about being a teacher...she was talking about being dateless through high school. I did have dates, but they never seemed to lead anywhere. She also battled a weight problem her entire life. We really did have a lot in common. She married and had children, however, while I have stayed single.

6. My high school boyfriend totally broke my heart. They say you never forgot your first love, and I haven't. I still remember sitting in a car crying uncontrollably because he had "dumped" me. I always liked him more than he liked me. He had once liked my sister, who never liked him "that way," and I believe he saw me as the closest he could get to her. If it wasn't love with him, I don't know what you would call it. I graduated from high school in 1980, and I STILL think about him. I think that after that happened, I started building walls and not letting men get too close to me. I never wanted to feel that pain again. I also think that is why I chose the guys that were "safe" to date in college. They were never really intersted in my "that way," so basically, I was safe from heartbreak.

When I look back at those events, it makes me understand why I am what I am. Some parts of me could be better, but overall, I think I have done well for myself. I am working to make my life better. I try to find joy in all I do.

And to that high school boyfriend-----boy, did you miss a great opportunity!!!